I was thinking about my earlier post on Raising Children in the Minimalist and FIRE Lifestyle and thought about the biggest challenge in teaching children to be less consumeristic is that we live in a society that values material possessions and gift-giving. It’s a sign of love and thoughtfulness, purely well-intended. But this is tough for a family that has strong beliefs in consuming less!
In the past, children would receive gifts and presents only on special occasions, such as birthdays or holidays. However, today’s children are bombarded with a constant stream of gifts and toys throughout the year, leading to a culture of excess and materialism that can have a damaging effect on their development and overall well-being.
Here are some examples:
- Birthdays: Children typically receive gifts from family and friends on their birthdays. These gifts can add up quickly, and children can develop an expectation that they will receive presents each year.
- The reverse birthday: Wait, what? Yes that’s what I call it, it’s ridiculous. Sometimes I succumb to pressure and do a scaled down version, sometimes I put on my thick face and go without. What am I talking about? Party favours. Why do children who attend a birthday party, need a gift or a bag of random gifts? Gifts are meant to be for the birthday kid only! Ok, will save that rant for another post.
- Holidays: Holidays like Christmas have become increasingly commercialized, with an emphasis on gift-giving and celebrated universally by just about anyone who has a pulse. Children are often inundated with presents during these holidays, which can lead to a sense of entitlement and a focus on material possessions. I felt like the absolute grinch during Christmas, I rather we took all the money on gifts and spent a good 5 days out just on experience after experience. I would love to walk away with priceless pics of the kids and adults falling on their butts while playing in the snow or playing ball 🙂
- Peer Pressure: Children are influenced by their peers, and if their friends are receiving presents regularly, they may feel left out if they don’t receive gifts as well. Oh the amount of times I’ve heard that so and so has an iPhone 14, or an Apple watch or both of the brothers have their own iPad (silently comparing to our one iPad for the household to share, which I got free from a sign-up for Mandarin lessons for Coco#1, which was also in replacement of the iPad I got free when I won some lucky draw over 10 years ago). The peer pressure is real.
What’s my problem with this? Why Am I Such a Grinch?
- The constant barrage of gifts and toys can lead to a sense of entitlement in children. When kids receive everything they want, whenever they want it, they begin to expect that this is how life should be. Every year, multiple times in fact, I should receive a stream of new toys!
- The lack of appreciation for what children already have and a lack of understanding of the value of hard work and saving money. They’re not going to take care of their existing toys.
- The wrong focus with the expectation of gifts vs the person themselves or the celebration itself. For example, I’d like if the kids look forward to their birthday party for the games lined up, having fun with friends and their cake versus the gift corner.
- A sense of competition and comparison among children. When kids see their peers with the latest toys and gadgets, they may feel pressure to keep up or feel left out if they don’t have the same things. This can lead to a culture of materialism, where possessions become more important than experiences or relationships.
- Negative environmental impacts, as consumerism leads to the production of more goods, which in turn leads to more waste and pollution. Children may not be aware of these impacts, but they will certainly feel the effects of them in the long run.
So, how can parents tackle this external aspect of teaching children to be less consumeristic?
- Set Expectations: We try as best as we can to communicate our expectations to our children regarding gift-giving. We explain the value experiences over material possessions and that gifts are not the most important aspect of special occasions. We go on to talk about sharing of gifts when we have friends over or go over to their places, it allows them to play with new toys. We go through how old toys just simply pile up and causes a huge burden on the Earth.
- Tricky, but we suggest gift options to family / friends: We did this before for Coco#1 birthday where we suggested gifts appreciated would be experiences / consumable gifts or the famous ang-pow so he can save towards something he really wants and he learns a lesson as well. Doesn’t always go as planned but it was quite a success! We did get a few gift-vouchers for wall-climbing, laser tag and I thanked them profusely because now the tiny living space that we have isn’t feeling tinier with more gifts!
- Create New Traditions: Create new traditions for special occasions that don’t focus on gift-giving. A few years ago, we went gift-free for all birthdays that year within the family. I wonder if we can set a gift-free Christmas with friends this year, where we focus on an activity?
- Encourage Giving: Encourage our children to give to others, whether it’s through donating toys they no longer use or volunteering in the community. This can hopefully help shift their focus from receiving to giving?
- Lead by Example: This is a firm belief. I can’t tell the kids all of the above then come back with an arm full of gifts on my birthday. Thankfully my friends enjoy experiences as well, so we usually dine out or do an activity together so I hope this helps the kids internalize these values and make them a part of their own lives.
So can we challenge consumerism? Small, baby steps I think! An area for continuous effort, that’s for sure. Chime in with your thoughts below!
