It has been a quiet few weeks on the SC Blog. This month has proven to be a very busy month having lots of tiring activities disguised as fun and feeling completely wiped out. Given the 2 trips to Malaysia this month, we decided to keep Coco#1 out of school and at home for the periods we are in Singapore as we also had some family over. That meant I had zero downtime except when the kids slept in the afternoon, which I took as time for me to recharge. Come night time, I was spent. Entirely. All I wanted to do, every day, was to just mindlessly do the laundry whilst watching Netflix.
A stand-up comedy that I recommend for parents to have a raw, good laugh is Ali Wong’s Netflix special. It’s a bit crude but for the most part, hilariously spot on. My mantra at this point is “I have suffered enough” for any decision I want to take that people may want to guilt me for. Even if they don’t guilt me and it’s in my head (that happens a lot!), I ease up on myself instantly with that mantra.
See, I have been through 2 births. Yes loads of people have given birth, big deal. Well this story ain’t about them, it’s about me. Both births were painful and the second pregnancy was tough, I often felt imprisoned. I’m naturally a positive person and quick to laugh and joke, but I do know I have some negative undercurrents. Maybe everyone does. The months following birth are always somewhat darker for me, is it post-partum depression or is it simply the fact that I’m a crazy woman when I am exhausted and lacking sleep? The jury’s out on that.
It’s been quite a journey and Coco#2 is 13 months now. I’ve truly been gracious and happy for the most part of the 13 months, so happy and thankful to be able to be with the kids. 9/10 days they are absolute angels and I feel like I can conquer the world. This is me, the mom that would take both kids (aged 4 and 13 months) out to museums, Kidzania, on flights back to Malaysia solo. I got this. The last day in the 10/10, are dark days. I lose my marbles. I do not like the person I am and the kids push me over the edge constantly. The last few weeks, that day has been happening a lot.
I love the kids but I think I have lost myself. I have not taken any time to be with myself and to just be. I have come to realise my mental space is precious and needs nurturing. Take care of yourself before you care for the child, in the unlikely event of an emergency. Well when it’s that 10th day, my life is like an emergency.
So if someone is going to fault and ask me (questions I have been asked!):
“ You want to stop breastfeeding your son? You went longer with #1!”
Well I have suffered enough, thank you.
Or,
“You should spend time with your child every night doing English/Math/mother tongue/He-Guru(I think?)/ridiculous academia at age 4 or he’ll suffer later”
Well I have suffered enough, thank you.
Or even,
“You need to get started on #3, aim for a girl”
Well I have suffered enough, thank you.
It’s an amazing line. Try it! The point of this post is a bit hazy, even for the author herself 😀 Part of taking care of myself and my mental space involves shutting down these negative, non-of-your-business statements and remarks. No doubt all well-meaning and coming from a place of love, but rubbing my mental state the wrong way anyway. “Well I have suffered enough, thank you” seems a humourous way to say unacceptable language on this blog 😉
Author: Ms.K
Ms.K is everything that Mr.C is, without the natural interest in investing and company financials! The activity planner for the family, the driver of random ideas and soon to be ‘retiring’ in to full time motherhood – Ms.K has no idea what she’s in for but remains super excited!