February 14th – Mr.C and I sat by the edge of some rocks overlooking the sea. We were having some snacks and watching day become night and the beauty that nature has to offer us, every single day. It was liberating to be seated there and deeply inspiring.
We’re always going to be a small part of the world around us. Earth has so much to offer to a person who is thirsty for life. Taking in the wonder of nature around has a very humbling effect on a person – I am but a cog in the wheel. At the same time, it made us really question our existence and the simplicity that existence can be.
Have we made our lives much more complex than it needs to be? Can we just live? Can we simplify our lives and get on with living? I feel that life here has taken a toll on my “feeling alive” meter. I am ready to get out of this comfort zone and live. Try new food. Dance. Meet new people. There are people around the world with far less and far closer to nature and completely happy to be. I want to meet these people. I want to share a meal with them and smile and laugh with them. I want to open my heart and home. I want to cook them a meal!
Some of you might be reading the above and going – quarter-life or mid-life crisis! Why are these thoughts ‘frowned upon’ or looked at as crazy? When did conventional become the only way of living? Conventional is as exciting as a piece of brick. Conventional is also as secure as a piece of brick. The more conventional you go, the more pieces of brick you gather and you have a secure foundation, one that is easy to predict if you are in the business of laying bricks.
We’re in a society where everyone has something to say. A select few enjoy being negative and fore-warning you that it’s going to be bad and you should take heed by saying classic lines like “Don’t say I didn’t tell you” or “You wait la, you’ll see”. So what if someone takes a path less taken and in the possible (although hopefully unlikely) event that it doesn’t last as long as it could have, returns to conventional. Life does not have to be a straight highway path. Life can be a roller-coaster journey and life can be a coastal road going through multiple stops.
Half of what I say is to convince myself at times, I’ll be honest! The cynicism has not escaped me. The words I use to describe “living” is bordering romanticism. Naive. Foolish. All these words that go together. Although I often stop myself short right there and ask – what’s wrong with a little magic in life?
Anyway, we know all of this on a conscious level. So what is holding us back? 2 main reasons and they are not mutually exclusive!
That Lil’ Thing Called Financial security
If we have reached our target FI number, I think we would be more daring to make life changes. The stock market movement end of last year did have an impact on our overall numbers, and while it’s not something that completely took us by surprise, it was an impact that moves the goal post further out. We’re no longer in a position where a “travel with no holds barred” situation is one that we are comfortable with. At this point, it seems we would very well served to keep shoveling more money into the investment nest.
Alternatively, if we knew for an absolute certainty that we could take 1-2 years off and still be guaranteed a good role with a good salary when we return to Singapore, then we would take the plunge and wet our parched throats with a taste of life. We don’t know though, our crystal ball cracked under pressure! The job market works in mysterious ways and is as temperamental as the weather in Melbourne.
That Big Weight Called The Desire To Do What is Best for the Kids
This is an even bigger dilemma than we ever thought. It is manifesting in all aspects of life. What do we want to provide for our child in terms of environment, experiences, competencies and relationships.
There’s no doubt that staying in Singapore provides a wonderful environment for a child to thrive and excel, if they are groomed for it and are so inclined. Even within Singapore, we are faced with the same quandary. The last few weeks have seen us consumed with a puzzle quite like the Rubik’s cube – where do we want Coco#1 to go to school? Any neighbourhood school? The best neighbourhood school in our hood? One of the more elite schools? It’s mind boggling and quite frankly we don’t know yet!
How do our “dare to dream” thoughts align with our desire to do what is right and the best for the kids? We have yet to find that answer or balance!
There you go, that’s what holds us back. We are young and we’re itching to break out of the conventional life and live a little. We want the freedom and the courage to try different forms of living and the spirit to start afresh everywhere, with our experiences to count for something that isn’t valued as much as it should in the society that we live in these days. These experiences, sadly, do not count as progress. These experiences contribute to the worldliness of an individual, young and old, yet it counts for naught.
If you drill down further, what holds us (and I dare say most people!) back is fear. Plain and simple fear that is manifesting in the most important aspects of our life. Fear of making a mistake huge enough that we can’t recover financially from and having our children impacted by it.
Is it really that much of a mistake though?
What if we up and left now? What if we sold this condo and bought a HDB that we pay in full. We rent it out and skip off to a different part of the world. When we do return, we can move back into the HDB and rent out a room even at say $750. That’s our groceries for a month and a bit. So all we need then is to have cash for the kids to be in school, that isn’t much with government schooling. So factor a bit more for insurance and utilities and there you have it, our simple life. Is it really that much of a mistake then if we have a roof above our heads, food on the table, a good education for the kids and a helluva story to tell?
